A Nightmare Awakened
by kuraudosoturaifu
Summary: Karkat Vantas is in his second year of college, and is finding himself frequently haunted by dark memories of the past. What happens when the nightmares that have been tearing him apart suddenly become a violent and terrifying reality?
1. Chapter 1

_"Please, no, don't do this, I'm sorry..." Karkat could hear the desperation in his voice, the horror at what his friend was about to do. _

_Fingers trembled on the trigger of a pistol held to the head of his best friend. Karkat watched as the greatest, most wonderful person he had ever known had their greatest moment of weakness, seconds from ending their own life._

_"Isn't there anything I can do at all? Please? Oh god, please, just put the gun down..." Karkat was in tears now, not even thinking of how he was a blubbering mess, not realizing that the person about to end their own life was more calm and collected than he was. He couldn't believe his eyes. _

_"Karkat... There's nothing you can do. It's over for me. He's going to kill you if I don't kill myself. Those were the terms of my agreement with him." Pale, bloodless fingers began to tremble even more on the trigger, threatening to cut even shorter the life of Karkat's best and only friend. The voice grew more agitated. "Karkat, you know who we're dealing with here. I can't do anything about it and neither can you! I know what I'm doing is horrible and I don't want to do it, but in order to keep you safe I've got to do as he says!"_

_"Please, for the love of FUCK, just don't! Let him kill me! I don't care!" The alleyway in which the two of them stood was lit only by a streetlight, which began to flicker and grow considerably dimmer. Karkat was sobbing, watching his friend in horror, knowing he was powerless to do anything. He had never felt so vulnerable._

_"Goodbye, Karkat."_

_"NO, PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKES-"_

**Bang.**

Karkat woke in a cold sweat to see Sollux shaking him. His eyes met those of his annoying as fuck roommate, and he couldn't help but notice that Sollux wasn't wearing those fucking annoying multicolored glasses. _Jesus, if he's lost the stupid specs, it must really be late. _Despite the fact that he was practically fucking hyperventilating from horror, he managed to shoot what he thought was an adequately rude glare at him.

"Sollux, get the fuck off my bed, I don't need your sympathy. I just... had a bad dream." Karkat inwardly cringed. He sounded like a wimp.

"Jeez, KK, you sure? You were crying and now you're hyperventilating. A "bad dream" sounds like an understatement, to be honest." Sollux raised his eyebrows at him, a trait that Karkat found really fucking annoying despite the fact that he had only known Sollux for a couple of days. It was like Sollux was always skeptical of everything he said. Karkat supposed that in this particular circumstance Sollux's skepticism would have been justified, but he wasn't about to talk about his dream with the idiot.

Karkat sighed and tried to relax, though with his heart going a million fucking beats per minute, he found that less than easy. He ran a head through his sweaty hair - _great, I've gotta shower again in the morning _- and shot yet another glare at his obnoxious roomate. His dark vision adjusting, he noticed that Sollux had dual colored eyes as well, and had to resist the urge to smirk. Sollux was the weirdest guy he had ever met, easily. With that stupid lisp and the ugly glasses, he reminded Karkat of some sort of weird flamboyant nerd. Sollux's appearance was almost laughable.

"Sollux, I'm not kidding, get the fuck off my bed and go the fuck to sleep. And I thought I told you to stop calling me KK. It's pretty fucking annoying."

"KK, do you ever stop swearing? It's 4 AM and I'm already kind of disgusted with you."

_Yeah, I'm pretty disgusted with me too. I kind of always am._

"Sollux, just go to sleep. I'm in no mood to talk to you. In fact, I never am. You're fucking obnoxious." Karkat flopped back against his rock hard pillow and felt the bed rise a little. He heard Sollux walk across the room and get into his own bed. Soon enough, he heard his roommate's breathing slow, but despite his exhaustion Karkat himself couldn't sleep.

He had arrived at college five days ago. It was his second year; in his first one he had had a dorm all to himself, which was actually pretty fucking nice. But this year, his family had decided to be a bunch of fucking cheapskates and he wound up sharing a dorm with none other than Sollux Captor, supergeek extraordinaire. Though Karkat admittedly didn't know him very well, Sollux was decidedly on his "hate list". The number of people he actually liked could be counted on one hand, and Sollux was definitely not among them. He had gathered a few things about his strange new roommate in the few days that he had known him.

Sollux often got into "computing trances" as Karkat liked to call them, where he was literally unresponsive to anything around him. Majoring in computer engineering, Sollux spent most of his time sitting in front of a screen, and sometimes he would get completely absorbed in whatever he was doing and spend hours upon hours just sitting there, typing lines of code. Karkat liked him best that way.

Sollux also had a lot of weird little habits and quirks; he would almost never be found without his strange dual-colored glasses, and while Karkat wasn't sure if they were actually used to aid Sollux's vision, they were fucking _weird. _Sollux also had that godawful lisp, and he had a habit of cracking his knuckles. And he was tall and skinny. Sollux was your stereotypical nerd.

He also would not stop calling Karkat "KK", much to Karkat's annoyance. Karkat had decided that Sollux was quite possibly the worst roommate ever and perhaps one of the more annoying people on the planet.

Karkat tried not to think about his dream, which was less of a nightmare than it was a flashback. A horrible flashback to a troubled past. That moment had eaten him alive for the past five years of his life. He had only been fourteen years old when he had watched someone die for the first time.

Sometimes he heard the screams out of nowhere. They were his own; distant memories of the worst day of his life that refused to leave him alone. He was frequently struck by these vivid memories, and no matter how many times he tried to put them out of his mind he couldn't escape them.

_"You were crying and now you're hyperventilating."_ Karkat slapped a hand to his forehead. _Jeez, Sollux, way to make me sound like a whiny idiot. Fuck you, Sollux Captor. Die in a fucking fire. Note to self: Punch Sollux in the face next time he decides to take an interest in your fucking business._

Karkat eventually fell into a troubled sleep filled with thoughts of annoying roommates, the past, and what was to come.

Karkat woke, as usual, to the sound of a computer booting up. He groaned as he sat up in bed, his back sore from a rough sleep. College dorms didn't exactly have the nicest furniture.

"Fuck, Sollux, couldn't you at least wear some headphones?" He rubbed his tired eyes, but Karkat's vision was still blurred from his grogginess. _Fuck, I bet I'll look really fantastic today._

"Wow, good morning, sunshine. Sorry, KK, but it's time you got up anyway. Don't you have an 8:30 class? Better hurry, it's 8 right now." Sollux didn't even bother to look up from his computer, which was still loudly making all sorts of startup noises. Karkat rolled his eyes and had the urge to throw his pillow at the back of Sollux's head, but decided that a blow from the rock hard pillow was enough to possibly be fatal. He managed to drag himself out of bed and have a shower. Karkat looked in the mirror, still absolutely exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes.

_Well, I look like absolute shit. Thanks, Sollux._

Of course, it wasn't really Sollux's fault, but Karkat felt better having someone to blame for his tiredness other than himself. As he made his way out the door, Sollux called to him, "Seeya, KK, maybe I'll catch you around today!"

Karkat made an effort to slam the door as hard as he could.

After leaving, Karkat realized that he had no idea what class he had; how was it that Sollux knew his timetable better than he did? The guy was obviously a complete fucking creep. Karkat pulled up his timetable on his iPod. Great, some computer science class. _I'm sure _that_ won't be really fucking boring._

The class dragged on as expected, and nothing was really accomplished; the professor went on for a long time introducing himself and talking about his own personal interests instead of actually outlining the details of the course. Karkat decided that he could care less, and just as he was packing up to go to the cafeteria, he was joined by his friend Terezi.

"Hey, Karkles, heading to eat? I'll come with you, I skipped breakfast."

For a blind girl, Terezi was oddly observant; she often picked up on little things that Karkat missed, and if he hadn't known that she was blind he might have even commented on her keen eyesight.

"Yeah, I've decided that I'd rather not eat some cheap shit in my dorm. I'd rather pay the extra money for cafeteria food if it means I'm staying away from Sollux." Karkat said the name of his roommate with disdain, mocking his lisp and pushing an imaginary pair of glasses up onto his nose. Despite the fact that Terezi obviously couldn't see that, she still laughed, and they headed to the cafeteria together.

Terezi was one of those few people that Karkat liked. They had an odd relationship; Karkat was often sullen and cynical and Terezi was bright and happy, but he supposed she brought out the best in him. It was easy to be himself around her because she was so accepting. And she was one of the few people who knew about the event from the nightmare, and she assured him that she didn't blame him for it. Karkat wasn't sure the fact that she thought he wasn't at fault was a good thing, and sometimes he felt angry at her for it, but overall he felt comforted by the fact that he had at least one friend who knew about it. Someone to talk to. He wasn't exactly good at opening up to people about his feelings, but Terezi was somehow different. He could talk to her easily.

They had a long and peaceful chat about schedules. Terezi shared multiple classes with Karkat, and he unfortunately had a couple with Sollux that she wasn't in. Karkat could admit that his timetable really fucking sucked, but the classes with Terezi helped make up for it. He enjoyed the burger that he had ordered, despite the fact that the meat was a little dry, and he decided to go back to his dorm for a little bit to lie down, hoping that Sollux wasn't there. Karkat didn't have a class for hours yet, so he hoped he could get some much-needed shuteye. He said goodbye to Terezi and, feeling pretty good for once, opened the door to his small dorm.

His high spirits were immediately crushed when he saw Sollux sitting at his desk hunched over his computer, typing lines of code with music blaring from the speakers. He wasn't in one of his "computing trances", though, as he looked up and turned down the music to grin and say "Hey, KK. You feeling like any less of a colossal asshole this morning?"

Karkat glared at him and went to sit on the edge of his bed, examining the disaster area that was Sollux's desk. Papers, cords, and wrappers sat everywhere, and just as Karkat was about to look away in disgust, he noticed something sitting right next to Sollux's keyboard.

Karkat's phone.

He got up from the bed and rushed to Sollux's desk, snatching the phone.

"Sollux, what the fuck? Why the fuck were you using my phone, you sick creep? Trying to find out more shit about my timetable or something so you can stalk me between classes?"

Sollux frowned at Karkat and let out an exasperated sigh. Karkat couldn't believe that Sollux was frustrated with _him _- shouldn't it have been the other way around?

"KK, jeez. You must have left your phone behind, and it started ringing. I answered it, and I'm sorry, but it didn't even occur to me at the time, and this weird ass guy was on the other end..."

Karkat ran a hand through his hair and put the other hand on his hip, still thoroughly annoyed with Sollux. "And?"

"And... He realized it wasn't you, so he asked if I could take a message. I said sure. He said to tell you "Hey Karkat, it's Eridan. Deal's off. It's you next." I don't know what he meant. He just hung up afterwards."

The effect that Sollux's words had on Karkat were instantaneous. He froze in horror, staring with his mouth slightly agape at Sollux, who was peering over his glasses at his roommate in concern.

"...KK? Is something wrong?"

Karkat wanted to scream in horror.

He had not heard Eridan's name in five years.


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat stood next to Sollux looking like a complete mess. He had dropped his hand from his hip and no longer looked frustrated and threatening; instead he looked like someone close to him had just slapped him across the face. His expression was one of horror and fear, and breathing heavily, he stepped backwards and tripped over the foot of the bed, falling onto it awkwardly. He sat up on the bed, trying to slow his breathing. During all of this, Sollux just stared at Karkat uncomfortably, unsure of what exactly to say.

Karkat managed to glare at Sollux, who's expression was hard to make out due to his stupid glasses. _Why can't he just fucking leave? I don't need him staring at me while I have a fucking mental breakdown. _

He buried his head in his hands, and long moments of silence passed before Sollux was able to work up the courage to ask dumbly, "KK, what the hell is going on? Uh... Are you okay?"

Sollux's stupidity would have made Karkat laugh if there weren't a million things running through his mind at that time, all of which were far more important than the ignorance of his stupid roommate. Running a cold hand through his hair, Karkat managed to get up shakily. Keeping his voice as cool and stoic as he could, he muttered, "Yeah, I just... I need to go to the washroom."

He knew that it was a stupid thing to say, that Sollux was fully aware that Karkat was not okay in the least. As he glanced at Sollux upon leaving the room, Karkat saw a faintly recognizable expression cross his roommate's face - Pity? Understanding? ...Worry? _Sollux doesn't give a fuck about you, and you don't care about him, so don't let yourself get wrapped up in his pretend pity. He's just trying to get on your good side so he doesn't have to deal with your crap. He doesn't really care. _This thought pressed its way into Karkat's mind, and on top of the situation at hand, added to the self-loathing he had been carrying around for the past five fucking years. He barely made it to the washroom before the tears started running down his face.

_Don't cry, you _fucking _idiot, it doesn't do you any _fucking _good. It didn't in the past and it won't now._

Karkat leaned against the tiled wall in the bathroom, the cold feeling uncomfortable through his shirt on his clammy skin. He slid down to the floor and put his head in his hands, still unable to overcome the shock of what Sollux had just told him.

_Hey Karkat, it's Eridan. Deal's off. It's you next. _

Karkat could hear Eridan's voice clearly despite the fact that the last time they had talked had been five years ago. He didn't need to make sense of what Eridan had meant. His best and only friend in the world had died to protect him, and Eridan had, for some reason, decided that that hadn't been good enough. One life hadn't been enough. It had to end with him and Karkat. Tears streamed down Karkat's face as the thought that he had pushed to the back of his mind for years resurged, controlling his thoughts, making him shake with horror.

_This ends with you and Eridan. It always has. You should have killed yourself that day. You don't stand a chance. You killed your best friend._

Karkat pressed his head into his arms, trying to muffle the sobs that were escaping him, hoping that Sollux wouldn't hear. Despite his best efforts, however, there was a knock at the door of the bathroom.

"Karkat... Are you okay? Listen, if you need to talk, I'm here." Sollux didn't use that _stupid _nickname and he sounded genuinely concerned, but Karkat didn't want to hear it. He didn't want Sollux's friendship or kindness, regardless of how real it might be.

His voice quivering, Karkat managed to say weakly, "Sollux, go the _fuck _away. I don't want to talk to you." He buried his head in his arms again, feeling more tears coming on. _Why the _fuck _are you so goddamn weak? Nobody else would cry in your situation. You're a freak._

There was an awkward moment in which neither Karkat nor Sollux said a word, though the bespectacled boy outside the door could faintly hear the sound of Karkat crying. After some time, Sollux simply said, his voice heavy with sadness for his roommate, "Okay, Karkat... I'm going to leave you alone for a while. I imagine it isn't that comfortable in the bathroom... Why don't you try and get some sleep? Listen, I'll take my phone with me. I left my number on my desk in case you need anything. I hope you feel better." With that, Karkat could hear the door to the dorm open and then close.

_Fuck you, Sollux Captor. I don't need your fake fucking sympathy._

Karkat pushed his way out of the bathroom when he was sure the coast was clear and stopped when he saw his phone lying on the bed. He looked at it for a moment skeptically, still shaking with the horror that had overcome him. Slowly, he moved towards it and picked it up tentatively, as if it was a bomb ready to explode. He went through his call history hoping that he could find a number he recognized, _praying _that it was some twisted trick played on him by someone, anyone other than Eridan. He found the latest entry in his call history.

_Blocked._

Karkat flung the phone across the room where it hit the wall with a dull thud, landing on Sollux's bed. He threw himself onto his own bed and let himself be fully enveloped in the panic and terror, letting it really set in.

_Why did Eridan change his mind? Why is he going after me now? _

He pulled the blankets of the unmade bed over him, trying to warm his body that had broken into a cold sweat. It wasn't really helping, but the bed was calming him down despite the fact that it wasn't exactly all that comfortable. Just as he thought he might be able to close his eyes for a few minutes, to push the idea of his imminent death out of his mind long enough to get some fucking _sleep, _his cell phone rang from its place on Sollux's bed.

Terror immediately flooded Karkat's mind. He automatically jumped to the first and most horrible conclusion: that Eridan was calling, probably to tell him that he was about to die and there was nothing he could do about it.

Curiosity and horror forced Karkat to get out of the bed that had seemed so welcoming a moment ago, and now he found himself tangled up in the sheets, fighting to get them off as his phone rang across the room. Finally free, he dashed over and grabbed his phone only to find the one name on his caller ID that he was not expecting to see - Sollux's.

_Well, I'm up, I might as well see what the fuck he wants. Probably more news on my doom or something._

Karkat answered the phone. "What the fuck do you want, Sollux?" he asked as a mix of exhaustion, anger, and terror caused his voice to have a very dark edge to it.

"KK, I just wanted to make sure you're alright there, I'm really worried about you and I don't know who this Eridan guy is but if he's trying to hurt you or something I want to be able to help and-"

"Sollux, I'm fucking fine and I was trying to sleep. You know, you left the room so that you wouldn't fucking annoy me, and while I'll admit that the lack of your presence is nice, I'd still like to be completely rid of your annoying as fuck voice, too. So you can just shut the fuck up and get out of my personal business, and next time I get a phone call you can do what any normal person would do and not fucking answer it. I don't need your sympathy and I _definitely _don't need your _fucking_ help."

The line was quiet for a while before Sollux was able to speak again. His voice was flat, and Karkat could tell that it wasn't a tone of indifference, but of pain.

"I'm sorry for invading into your personal matters. I've obviously stepped into some sort of territory that I shouldn't have. If there's anything wrong you can talk to me about it. You should get some sleep." The line went dead.

Karkat sighed heavily, tossing the phone back onto the bed. He didn't even know what to think of Sollux anymore. The guy was just so... Exasperating. Despite the fact that Karkat seemed sort of socially inept, he was able to read people pretty well, to detect their motives and true colors. But Karkat could never tell if Sollux was truly genuine or just trying to make things less fucking awkward between the two of them. Why had Sollux been hurt by the exchange on the phone? _He can't possibly care about me. Nobody does. I'm not fucking important, so why would he have been hurt by what I had to say? Sure I was hard on him, but he's just so goddamn annoying._

Karkat decided that Sollux could mind his own fucking business and collapsed onto his bed, finding that despite the day's events and the fact that it was only 2 PM he was able to fall asleep pretty easily.

_"Karkat... Why don't you love me like I love you?"_

_Tears ran down the young girl's face. Karkat stared at her awkwardly, not really sure what to make of the situation. Being only fourteen, he didn't have much experience with girls, and he just wasn't... Interested._

_"I'm... I'm really sorry. I don't feel that way about you. I always just kind of saw you as a friend." Karkat decided to just be honest with her. He didn't think that trying to make up some sort of elaborate story was going to make either of them feel any better about the situation._

_The girl was sobbing heavily now. She put her hands to her tear-stained face, recoiling when Karkat went to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder._

_"Don't touch me! I don't need your pity! I've made such a goddamn idiot of myself, oh my god, I'm so stupid..."_

_Karkat knew that the girl had always had self-esteem issues, and he was sure that this wasn't helping. Despite his excellent way with words, he could find nothing to say to console the girl in front of him. He was starting to think that he should have just lied and told her he felt the same way. It sure would have been easier than this._

_The girl turned and ran down the street, leaving Karkat alone, confused, and upset._

_Several hours later, Karkat sat at his computer, still disappointed in the way that he had dealt with the poor girl, feeling pretty guilty. Suddenly, her brother started pestering him._

_CA: SHES DEAD YOU DUMB FUCK_

_CA: YOU KILLED MY SISTER_

_CA: NOW IM GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU_

Karkat woke with a start with tears in his eyes. The dorm was quiet save for the sound of his heavy breathing, and the room was spinning. He could feel the bile rising in his throat as he came to the sickening realization of what was the reason behind Eridan's call.

On that day, it had been exactly five years since she had died.


	3. Chapter 3

Karkat could hardly keep calm after realizing Eridan's motive.

_Five years ago today she died. I killed her. Eridan wants me to pay with my life._

Karkat ran his cold hands through his dark hair. He sat up on the edge of the bed shaking with horror, disturbed by the dream that he had just had.

_She took her life and it's my fault. I killed her. I killed my best friend and the girl who loved me. I'm worse than Eridan. I should just face him and let it be over with, but I'm too much of a coward._

The room was dim, and little sunlight filtered through the curtains despite the fact that they weren't entirely closed, and fucking _sucked _at keeping light out. Karkat looked at the clock, which read 5:37 PM. It was already late enough to get dark.

_Guess I'm not going to any more classes today. Or ever again._

Karkat stood up, realizing just how groggy he was. He had hardly slept since he got to college between Sollux's obnoxiousness and today's death threats. Part of him wanted to just lie down and sleep the rest of the day away, but he was far too shaken by his latest nightmare to even bother trying. He walked across the room to pick up his phone and was surprised to find that there were two missed calls. _I must have been sleeping like a fucking log. Holy shit, the ringer volume is even all the way up. _He looked at the missed calls - one from Sollux - _yeah right, like I'm going to call you back and chat you up, four-eyes - _and one from Terezi. She had left a voicemail, which resounded loudly throughout the otherwise silent room.

"Hey Karkles, listen, I was stopped by your new roommate. He told me that you had gotten a phone call from a guy named Eridan and that you were really freaked out about it. He told me the details of the message and... Holy shit, Karkat, we should be going to the police or something. Hopefully it was just a joke someone played on you or something, but otherwise give me a call. Hope everything's okay. Oh, and I like your roommate's glasses. You should give him a chance."

Karkat was in no mood to talk to Terezi about it, and he wasn't going to the police. Eridan hadn't outright threatened him in his mind, at least not in terms that the police could understand. And as far as he was convinced, this matter was personal. Between him and Eridan, the one person who had plagued his thoughts for the past five years. The person who took away what happiness his childhood had left, leaving a gaping hole in his self-esteem that he had spent the time trying to fill with bitterness and anger.

_I've got nobody to blame but myself._

Karkat jumped when the silence of the room was broken by the sound of a doorknob turning. Fearing the worst, he gripped his phone tighter, ready to throw it at an attacker. When Sollux entered the room, he realized what an idiot he probably looked like, holding his phone above his head in fear. He tried to relax a little, and Sollux just gave him that stupid quizzical look. Karkat tried to act like Sollux hadn't just frightened him into being ready to use his phone as a projectile and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he saw Sollux smirk, but neither of them said anything.

_I can feel the awkward. Holy fuck._

Sollux walked across the room right past Karkat and tossed some books onto his desk, which landed with a dull thud. He walked lazily over to his bed and flopped over, lying on his back and covering his face with his hands for a moment.

"I've got the worst fucking headache ever, KK."

That was another thing about Sollux. He was the king of migraines. It was as if he always had one. Karkat wondered if he wore those stupid fucking glasses to limit the amount of light reaching his eyes. He watched Sollux for a moment, who groaned and rolled over to bury his face in his pillow. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, and Karkat was about to ask if he could get Sollux an aspirin or something before remembering that Sollux was a huge jerk and that he didn't deserve any sort of sympathy. Karkat sat down on his own bed and continued to feel awkward. This went on for a few minutes before Sollux sat up again with a hand pressed firmly to the side of his head as if that might help. He finally broke the silence.

"So, uh, KK, about that phone call-"

"Sollux, I don't want to fucking talk about it." Karkat could hear the darkness in his voice and hoped that Sollux would pick the fuck up on an ordinary social cue and shut up. He didn't.

"KK, just shut up and listen to me for a sec. This Eridan guy is obviously nothing but trouble, and I don't mind helping you out if need be. I know you think I'm some sort of creep, but I'm actually not a bad guy, and I'm just looking out for you here. The least you could do is show me some sort of courtesy." Sollux pushed his glasses up his face and gave Karkat his usual quizzical look, raising those eyebrows in that fucking obnoxious manner of his. Karkat could feel his anger increasing; he was infuriated by Sollux's persistance. Without thinking, he stood up and crossed the room, grabbing Sollux's shirt collar and glaring down at him furiously.

"Sollux, you fucking idiot, fucking _listen _to me. I don't need or want your help and if I was fucking _dying _you'd be the last person on Earth I'd call for. You're an idiot and between your fucking lisp, your stupid headaches, your godawful nicknames, and every single fucking other horrible personality trait of yours, that's all of them by the way, you've been pissing me off since day one and you haven't done a fucking _thing _to even try to make up for it! Then you tell me that _I'm_ not exercising enough fucking _courtesy_?" Karkat shoved Sollux away roughly, feeling a little bad when the guy grabbed his head in pain, but he wasn't about to show Sollux any sort of pity. He sighed and walked to the door, grabbing his keys. He decided that he would leave and maybe see if he could stay over at someone's house for the night. He didn't need any bags. And he'd be sure to slam the door as hard as he could so that Captain Migraine's headache might escalate to the point where he could experience a sleepless night much like the ones that Karkat had been having.

In the middle of his furious planning, however, Karkat was stopped at the door by the taller guy.

_How the fuck did he get over here so fast? Shit._

Just as Karkat was coming up with a sarcastic comment to throw at his roommate, Sollux grabbed his shoulders and pinned him to the wall. His face was expressionless, his voice flat.

"Karkat, I've been trying to be fucking nice to you. All you've done is treat me like shit and yell at me. Maybe it's just the headache, but I've lost my _fucking _patience with you. I offer you my help and support and you shoot me down and treat me like some sort of sick creep. I have a lisp and you're constantly bothering me about it. I get it, I'm kind of fucking different, okay? But the real thing that separates you and me from each other is not our different voices or mannerisms or _anything of the sort; _it's the fact that you're fucking cold and heartless and I'm not. I'm trying to be nice, but I'm fucking done with you. The next time you insult me like that, I'm going to wring your fucking neck."

Karkat was a little shocked by the sudden seriousness in Sollux's tone, and he felt a little bad. Sollux did have a fucking point, but he was also pinning Karkat to a wall, and given the situation at hand Karkat wasn't ready to apologize and get on with what little remained of his life. He had been trying to defuse the situation as quickly as possible and Sollux had stopped him to rant about his feelings while giving Karkat his second death threat of the day.

"You might as well, it might piss Eridan off if you beat him to it." Karkat glared up at Sollux's heterochromatic eyes, which were barely visible through his tinted glasses.

Sollux looked a little shocked as Karkat's words hit him, realizing what kind of danger his roommate was in. Still, he said nothing.

"Anyway," Karkat continued, trying to sound bored with the situation, "You couldn't fucking hurt me if you tried."

Sollux smirked a little. "Wanna bet, short stuff?"

The reaction from Karkat was almost instantaneous. He wrestled free of Sollux's grip, who dodged free of a kick that hadn't been aimed quite well enough in Karkat's fury. With the way the two had moved, Karkat was now the one facing the wall and Sollux had his back to it. Karkat threw a punch at Sollux, who ducked out of the way just in time, and listened to the stomach-churning _crack _of the wall as Karkat's fist collided with it.

Karkat began to yell a long string of profanities, blood beginning to run out of the many cuts on his knuckles. He had done a good deal of damage to the wall, but from what Sollux could see his hand wasn't too bad aside from the bruises and cuts. Sollux smirked and said smugly, "You're right, KK. I couldn't hurt you, but I guess an inanimate object could."

Karkat used his good hand to give Sollux the finger and left the dorm, slamming the door as hard as he could and leaving his roommate to hold his throbbing forehead in pain.

After going to the infirmary to get his hand bandaged up, Karkat went to the cafeteria to grab a muffin, realizing his appetite was coming back. While eating, he wondered about his relationship with Sollux; did he really hate the guy? Should he have accepted Sollux's offer to help?

_What the fuck am I thinking? I'm on my own here. Sollux has nothing to do with this. I might not like him, but I'm not about to drag him into a situation where death is inevitable._

He tore off a huge chunk of his muffin and stuffed it into his mouth.

_I've already done that to one of my friends._

Karkat continued to wonder, however, if he should give Sollux a chance, to at least try and get along with him. As much as he found Sollux really fucking annoying, the guy behind the stupid glasses had a point. Karkat had been downright awful to him since they had met. He was thinking about how to go about at least _talking _to Sollux before his bandaged hand throbbed painfully. He glared at it, and saw that blood was still seeping through the gauze.

_Never fucking mind. Fuck you, Sollux Captor._

He threw out his half-finished muffin, which was too dry and gross anyway.

_Caloric intake was achieved, I guess._

Realizing that it was getting late, Karkat tried to call up literally all of his friends to see if he could spend the night somewhere, to no avail. Throwing his hands up in the air in frustration, he stormed back towards the dorm room he had to share with Sollux. He worried the whole way about whether or not he would walk in to see Sollux planning his untimely demise (_get in fucking line)_ or whether he'd find some sort of disturbing Pesterchum message from Eridan or something. He hadn't changed his chumhandle since the incident five years ago, so it was always possible.

He was instead greeted by heavy metal music blasting throughout the dorm with Sollux hunched over his computer.

"Hey, fuckwit, I see you've gotten over your headache." Karkat rolled his eyes and threw himself onto his bed, covering his ears with his pillow.

Sollux turned down the music and spun around in his chair. "I thought you of all people would like heavy metal music. I mean, it's so... Angry."

Karkat had only been in the company of Sollux for about thirty seconds and he already wanted to punch him. "Well, for your information, I fucking don't. So turn it off so I can sleep for the next week."

Sollux raised an eyebrow, ignoring Karkat's request. "So what do you listen to, then?"

_Does this guy not remember that we just had an argument in which a part of our wall got destroyed, or is he just fucking with me right now?_

Karkat didn't want to humor Sollux's attempt at small talk. "None of your fucking business."

Sollux remained persistent, however. "Come on! Rock? Screamo? What do you like?"

Karkat realized that Sollux wasn't going to drop the subject. Under his breath, he muttered "Classical."

Sollux's interested look changed to one of great amusement as he laughed loudly. "Classical? Are you fucking kidding me? You of all people listen to classical music. Oh my god."

Karkat gave him the finger. "You fucking asked."

Sollux continued to grin, but his tone became more serious. "Alright, fine, fine. Who's your favorite classical artist, then?"

_I seriously can't believe this conversation is fucking happening right now._

"Chopin."

To Karkat's great surprise, Sollux didn't laugh. He merely grinned and said, "Are you serious? I love Chopin. Hey, don't give me that look, I'm not kidding here. Aside from the heavy metal, I'm a fan of classical. Chopin's my favorite too. What's your favorite piece by him?"

Karkat groaned inwardly. He didn't want to have anything in common with Sollux. He didn't even want to be talking to him right now, let alone having what he assumed his roommate could only see as some great experience to bond with each other. "Waltz Op. 64 No. 2." he mumbled.

Sollux was grinning like some sort of maniac at this point. "That's my favorite too!" he exclaimed happily. He turned back to his computer to look at his iTunes.

_Holy shit, does this guy just change moods that easily? An hour ago he wanted to kill me._

Suddenly, the room was filled with the sound of the waltz they had been discussing.

"It's a beautiful piece," Sollux said quietly, resting his head in his hands.

Karkat rolled his eyes and crawled into bed, but he couldn't help but be a little thankful for the peaceful atmosphere created by the music, and despite the day's events he found himself succumbing to his exhaustion and drifting into a deep, undisturbed sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Days passed and nothing happened. Karkat resumed going to classes, and Sollux continued to keep a close eye on him. A few times, Sollux tried to talk to Karkat alone, practically begging the other to let him help. Karkat could tell Sollux was worried, and for some reason he felt... bad. As if he had wronged Sollux in some way, when the other was just being a nosy idiot.

Well, of that Karkat wasn't really sure. He didn't know anymore if Sollux was being nosy or really trying to help. Did it matter? Should he confide in his roommate, at least tell him? Would that get Sollux the _fuck _off his case?

Karkat spent the days growing more and more worried and exhausted; he spent the nights lying on his bed staring up at the dull, boring ceiling, thinking about Eridan's plans for him along with something else, another thought that was growing in his mind more and more. Forcing him to wonder if he was lying to himself; if all he wanted was to be able to talk to someone.

He wondered if Sollux could be his friend.

Karkat wasn't really all that good at making friends, and he was completely fine with that. He had only really had one friend since the incident, and that was Terezi. She was the only one who really cared, who had always been there for him when everyone else had left. He had lost two friends, and aside from Terezi, he wasn't interested in keeping anymore, or so he had thought.

Karkat had to admit that Sollux had some really obnoxious qualities, but altogether he was a good guy. Maybe Sollux had done some fucking stupid stuff, like the whole incident with the wall and his smashed up hand, but at the same time Karkat knew that he had been provoked, and he had none other than himself to blame for that. Sollux had actually been putting up with his shit pretty well, and while he didn't like to admit it, he kept wondering to himself if he had been wrong about his roommate.

He also thought about what Eridan had in store for him; he hadn't received a phone call again, and there had been no attempts at communication in any other way from his potential murderer. Was he planning something? Or was Eridan just fucking around, seeing how long he could make Karkat wait before he went fucking insane?

On the rare occasions that Karkat did sleep during those days, his dreams were plagued with horrifying visions of death; he dreamed often of his own death and of Terezi's, and Sollux's, though the nightmarish deaths of the latter weren't brought about by his dislike of his roommate. Instead they were troubling to Karkat, and each time he had a dream of Sollux dying he woke up in an instant, breathing heavily and frantically looking about the room, only relaxing a little when he saw Sollux's sleeping form lying on the bed across from his own. He wondered if Eridan would kill those he cared about again this time. Should he distance himself from Sollux to protect him? Would it matter?

Karkat filled his mind with questions he couldn't answer, and between the stress, worry, and confusion, during those dark nights where he lay alone in the dorm that was silent save for the sound of Sollux's slow, relaxed breathing, he wondered if it would be easier to just end it all himself.

Karkat woke to Sollux shaking him gently, whispering to him to wake up, that it was all a dream, and that everything was okay. Regardless of Sollux's attempts to wake him peacefully, Karkat still felt like he had been hit by a freight train and woke suddenly, looking around frantically to see if Sollux was telling the truth, if they were both safe and alone with no immediate threats.

He calmed down a little when he was convinced that absolutely nobody was going to hurt him, at least not at that moment, and sat up a little straighter in bed. Sollux continued to sit on the edge of Karkat's bed, looking at the floor, neither of them saying a word for what seemed like an eternity. Karkat didn't know why Sollux wouldn't just get up and go back to programming, which was what he usually did when he woke Karkat from a particularly bad dream. Sollux's computer was on, and Karkat could hear pesterchum noises emanating from the speakers, but it looked like Sollux wasn't about to move anytime soon. Karkat eyed him suspiciously.

Finally Sollux broke the silence.

"You talk in your sleep, you know."

Karkat tensed, hands gripping the tangled up bedsheets. His knuckles whitened as he asked with a bit of an edge in his voice, "What the fuck did I say?"

Sollux shrugged, still hell-bent on not letting his eyes leave the floor. Karkat could see from his facial expression that he looked conflicted, but waited for him to say something. He hadn't really seen Sollux like this before.

Again, finally Sollux spoke.

"A lot of stuff... Things along the lines of "don't shoot" and "please don't kill yourself"; of course ridden with a lot more profanities." Sollux chuckled drily, then returned to his rather grim and serious tone. "It sounded like you were pleading with someone not to take their own life. And... There was some stuff about me, too. You said... You said that you didn't want him to hurt me. That you'd sooner die than let him lay a finger on me. Though I don't think I could ever let that happen, and I pray to God that we never get in a situation where such a thing happens. But whether you like it or not, Karkat, I'm going to help you get through this."

A sad smile had crossed Sollux's face as he spoke, and there it remained as he looked up to meet Karkat's shocked gaze. Only then did Karkat notice that Sollux wasn't wearing his glasses, having left them on his desk, and for once he could see Sollux's eyes. And finally he saw it. The pain, the exhaustion, the sadness; it was all there, having been hidden away behind a pair of spectacles that Karkat had always seen as being just _dumb_. He felt like an idiot for ever thinking Sollux was stupid for wearing them after seeing just how much emotion his roommate held in his eyes, and upon seeing Sollux's bittersweet expression, any suspicions that Karkat had harbored about Sollux's motives or genuinity vanished from his mind. It was in that split second of eye contact that Karkat knew that Sollux cared, that he really wanted to help. Without looking away, Karkat nodded his head.

"We're in this together, Sollux."

The two of them started being around each other more; partnering up in classes, going to the cafeteria for lunch, and just generally sticking together. Terezi often joined them, but seeing as how they lived in the same dorm, the two of them found that their friendship was growing strong very quickly, which was a welcome change from the tense hatred prior to that.

Karkat had to admit that it was nice having someone other than Terezi to confide in; sure, Sollux didn't know nearly as much about him as she did, and he wasn't quite as happy and carefree. But Sollux was another shoulder to lean on, and someone who was always willing to listen. He was smart, too, and helped Karkat's grades improve in the classes that he was now attending more regularly. To anyone else, it was impossible to know that the two of them were dealing with the threat of death looming over Karkat's (and unbeknownst to Sollux, possibly his own) head. Things were almost back to normal. Sort of.

Karkat, however, still had nightmares quite frequently, and often woke to Sollux sitting next to him, reassuring him that it would be okay. It was comforting having someone who truly cared, but Karkat could see that it troubled Sollux greatly. At times, he would wake up to Sollux's comforting words, but the other wouldn't notice as he wouldn't even be looking at Karkat; he'd just be staring at the wall across the room, looking concerned and grim.

One night, when Karkat woke to Sollux acting in such a way, he sat up and asked tentatively, "Sollux, are you... alright? Just go to sleep. I don't want to be waking you up every goddamn night."

Sollux didn't move. He just kept sitting there, staring at the wall. What felt like an eternity passed before Sollux spoke, his voice hesitant and uncertain.

"Who was the girl who shot herself?"

Karkat's first instinct was to swear at Sollux, give him the finger, and leave the dorm room in his pajamas. However, upon thinking it over a moment, he realized that no matter how troubling he found the idea of telling Sollux about it, he was kind of obligated to do so. Sollux was unknowingly putting his life on the line by becoming Karkat's friend. He deserved to know what could happen, what _did _happen on that night so many years ago. Karkat drew a breath and found that it was shaky. He was tense and nervous.

_Tell him, you idiot. He deserves to know._

"She was my best friend. She shot herself to save me."

Sollux didn't move. Karkat knew that Sollux was fully aware that he was asking a really personal question, but he convinced himself that his roommate and friend had the right to know. Still staring at the wall, Sollux said, "I know that much... What I want to know is why."

Karkat closed his eyes for a few seconds. Visions of that night came flooding back to him all at once; the sound of the gun, the blood... His eyes shot open, shocked by his own subconscious.

Drawing another less-than-solid breath and exhaling loudly, Karkat spoke once again.

"She and I were both fourteen. A few days before the night she... passed away, Eridan's sister Feferi had confessed that she had feelings for me. I didn't feel the same way, and I decided to be honest and tell her so. She was really upset about it; more so than I thought she would be. Of course I felt bad, but I didn't really know what to do. She wound up killing herself a night later. She's not the girl we're speaking of now, but I'm giving you the whole story." Karkat paused for a second, and noticed that Sollux's gaze had moved from the wall to the floor, and because Sollux wasn't wearing his glasses, Karkat could see that his eyes were filled with shock and sadness. He hated to see Sollux that way, but he continued.

"Eridan, devastated of course, threatened to kill me. He had always been involved with a really bad crowd. I didn't really associate with him, but he had never really been all that fond of me. I think he tolerated me because of his sister; but he was your typical bully. He told me to meet him in the alley behind our school the following night, or he'd kill my friends instead. He even gave me a choice; I could die, or one of my friends could. Of course, I took the former instead of the latter. I didn't even think to get help. Eridan had made death threats to kids before, and every time they had told someone, Eridan had a way of getting away with it, and while I'm not sure if he ever really killed anyone, nobody was going to believe me and either way he would get off scot-free. So I decided to confront him, and I took him up on his offer."

Horror and devastation had joined the expression of sadness on Sollux's face.

"I figured that I deserved to die for causing Feferi's death. But somehow... My best friend found out about what was going to happen between me and Eridan. To this day, I still don't know how. I imagine he or one of his friends told her. But anyway, being the kind of person she was... she told him that she'd take him up on his offer. To die instead of letting me die. He told her that she had to kill herself, in front of me. I didn't even know until that night when I went to find Eridan in the alley, convinced that I'd be facing my death. Instead I was met with my best friend holding a gun to her own head, tears pouring down her face. I begged with her, I _pleaded, _but in the end I was too fucking worthless to do anything about it. I was a fucking idiot. She pulled the trigger and... I watched her die."

Having finished his story, Karkat looked to Sollux, and was shocked to see tears running down his friend's face.

_Fuck. Why is he crying?_

As if Sollux was reading his mind, he turned to Karkat and yelled, "You were fucking _fourteen! _You've had to carry this around for five fucking _years _and I didn't even know!"

Karkat was taken aback by his roommate's outburst. He didn't even know what to say. Sollux went on.

"Five fucking years! For the majority of your life as a teenager you've had to carry around this shit, thinking you were at fault for any of it. I knew something was troubling you, but god damn it, I didn't believe it could be anything like this. And while I've been here, trying to help you out, to fucking _look out _for you... you've still had to deal with this! Fuck, if I had known, I would have tried harder to be a better friend, I don't know-"

"Sollux, shut up. It's not your fucking fault and you haven't wronged me by not knowing. I wanted to tell you not so that I could to vent to you and make you cry, but to ask you if you're sure you want to help me face Eridan when the time comes. The guy doesn't go back on his word. Even if he leaves us alone for a goddamn year, he'll come back with a vengeance. He's going to go through with this. You see what happens to people who associate with me. I'm asking you, right now: are you sure you want Eridan to see that we're friends? Are you sure you want to even try and help?"

Sollux wiped the tears from his eyes, turning a little red. His breaths were shaky, and he still wore a troubled expression, but he managed to calm down considerably.

"I'm sorry, KK, I really am... You're right, I'm in no position to start bawling about this. But in answer to your question, yes. I'm willing to stay by your side no matter what the risks may be."

They sat in silence for a long time before Sollux worked up the courage to ask, "KK... your friend... What was her name?"

Karkat was silent for a moment before he managed to speak. It was a name that flooded his mind with happy memories turned bittersweet by that one night; a wonderful childhood tainted by the death of the friend who had made it so. This time, he was the one to stare at the floor, unable to look at Sollux.

"Kanaya Maryam."

They both said nothing for the longest time. Finally, Karkat looked towards Sollux, tears forming in his eyes.

"Are you sure you want to put yourself in this kind of danger?" he asked.

Sollux nodded. "You have no idea how devastated I'd be if something happened to you. When I say that I'm going to help you out, I mean it." Tears were forming in Sollux's eyes as well.

"Positive?" Karkat asked.

Sollux met Karkat's gaze, and once again Karkat could see that expression of sadness and caring, and something else this time: determination.

"Positive." Was the reply.

Karkat knew he was telling the truth.


	5. Chapter 5

It felt really weird to not be actively putting in an effort to hate Sollux. Karkat supposed that "unfamiliar" was the term, but he wasn't sure. It had been a long time since he had truly allowed himself to open up to someone, to really trust them, and Terezi was sort of a special exception since she was practically a fucking mind reader anyway. He hadn't even known that he could trust her; she had just sort of showed up in his life one day and never left, and after some time he found that he had been okay with that. He knew that Sollux's was a somewhat similar case, yet it still felt strange having someone to truly confide in at all times. Terezi was busy with classes nowadays and rarely saw Karkat aside from in the ones they had together, but Karkat and Sollux were with each other nearly 24/7. Other people had even begun to notice and had gone so far as to make a bunch of snide remarks; one guy had asked them loudly when the wedding was. Sollux had turned a bright pink and cursed at the asshole under his breath, and Karkat had just flipped the guy the finger, rolling his eyes. They were something of a duo, yet Karkat just couldn't wrap his head around that. He felt obligated to talk to Sollux about his feelings and his past, yet there was so much that he just couldn't say, couldn't open up about. It made him feel conflicted and guilty, and he felt even worse when Sollux didn't complain or press on when a topic of discussion made Karkat uncomfortable.

_He's the ideal friend and I can't reciprocate that kind of behaviour. I don't know how to be anything but a detached, irate moron._

Karkat, despite being non-religious, thanked every God he could think of that Sollux was unable to read his mind, because he knew that his new friend would think he was completely insane.

_I wonder if I am going insane. Maybe I should just check into a mental hospital and enjoy a nice peaceful, Eridan-free sleep. Him or his words can't get to me in a padded room. Nothing can._

Karkat tried to refrain from having those thoughts, but he found it getting harder and harder. Aside from being conflicted about Sollux (an issue that he tried to not overthink), he found himself having more nightmares and just worrying more in general about Eridan. The silence was not Eridan giving up; Eridan never gave up. No, this was just another part of the game to him, another way for him to toy with Karkat, who would often awake from his horrifically violent nightmares with shaky breaths, trying to hold on to his cheap cafeteria-grade dinner, hardly keeping it down. The fact that Sollux often woke to all the noise Karkat made and went on to express his concern didn't make it any easier to deal with.

One day, Karkat and Sollux had been sitting in their dorm watching some shitty movie on Karkat's laptop that his friend (and Sollux's relatively new friend, having been introduced by Karkat) John had sent them claiming it was "the best movie ever! next to con air of course." When the credits began and the two had rolled their eyes in unison at the sudden realization that they had wasted over two hours on that shit, Sollux minimized the movie window to find that Karkat's Pesterchum client was open, though he was not logged in. Karkat had a few contacts, though there was one that stood out. Karkat had told Sollux what it was, and the two of them had decided to try to not initiate conversation. Not that they would have been able to, anyway; the user was never online.

caligulasAquarium.

Karkat said nothing as a slight twinge of pain registered on Sollux's face. His friend suddenly knew that Karkat had been watching for Eridan like a hawk, never closing his Pesterchum client for the small chance that Eridan might log in and give him some information, or at least news of his impending doom. Despite the fact that Sollux had not spoken, Karkat understood what his roommate was thinking.

_He knows I'm fucking paranoid. He's even got the guy added on Pesterchum, too, and he doesn't hover around waiting for him to show up. He's probably wondering what kind of sick masochist I even am._

To his surprise, Sollux turned to him and said flatly, "He's going to come online sooner or later. When he does, we have to be prepared for him to say some pretty worrisome stuff. I say we make a plan for how to deal with him."

Karkat was a little lost. "Deal with him?"

"Come on, it's only a matter of time until we find out his whereabouts or something like that. If he talks to you at all, he'll talk to you soon enough after that. It's scary, but you'll see a vastly increasing amount of Eridan in your life. I may not know him personally, but I know enough about guys like that - once they're done playing the waiting game, they're done. There's a point at which they get tired of seeing you squirm, and I imagine that you'll be having a number of conversations with Eridan soon enough." Sollux peered over his dual-colored glasses at Karkat, pausing before speaking again. "Eridan's motive is to kill you, as far as we know. We also know that he might go to great lengths to... hurt the ones around you. If that's the case, we need to have a course of action to take if there's a direct threat to one of us. I'm not sure what you want to do, but let's say one or both of us meets Eridan, not just on the Internet, and death is only minutes away, if not seconds. I'm saying that we can't rule out the possibility that one of us may have to kill him, or at least seriously injure him. It's possible that we could get the police involved, though, I don't know. I'd like to be optimistic and say that we could just avoid him, but we both know what a complete load of bullshit that would be." Sollux chuckled drily.

The notion came as a surprise to Karkat, though he didn't really know why. Killing Eridan was something that he had fantasized about for ages, though the actual idea of going through with it was unsettling. He wondered if he could really kill someone, no matter how evil they were.

_I've killed people before, though. My friends. I could kill Eridan, too, and it'd be no different. If anything, I'd just be less emotionally attached. The fact that the murder would be fueled by hatred wouldn't exactly hurt, either._

He finally spoke. "I-I just don't know if I can talk about this yet. I'll be the first to admit that I'd like to kill Eridan, but I think it's kind of a drastic measure to try to take when we don't even know what the fuck he's got up his sleeve." Karkat hoped he had sounded somewhat nonchalant about that, but he had probably just sounded like a frightened little kid. Sollux just shrugged and said, "Yeah, you have a point. That's fine."

_There he goes, making it look like he couldn't care less if I sound like a fucking wimp. Shouldn't he get at least somewhat worked up about this kind of conversation?_

Karkat wondered if he'd ever understand the inner workings of his roommate's mind. He hoped that Sollux wouldn't understand his, at least. They could keep their weird thought processes and feelings to themselves, he decided. It was only fair that if Karkat couldn't read Sollux like a book, that Sollux couldn't do the same, right?

Wrong. Sollux was far more perceptive and observant than Karkat, and the fact that he seemed so aware of Karkat's frequent feelings of self-loathing made him even more bitter and hateful towards himself.

But for some reason, he couldn't be angry at Sollux. He had found that of all the people that he couldn't be furious with, that he couldn't insult, it was the tall nerd with the dorky glasses.

_Go figure._

Sollux hadn't brought it up again, and the next day Karkat went out to grab some snacks to bring back to the dorm. He came back with a six pack of beer, two bags of Cheetos, and a bunch of chocolate bars. They each took a chocolate bar, both being sick and tired of cafeteria food and McDonald's, and Karkat had a beer. He offered one to Sollux, who politely declined.

Halfway through yet another ridiculously shitty Nic Cage movie, Karkat was starting to feel the effects of a few beers. Not being one who was ridiculously good at holding his alcohol, he started to develop a bit of a headache, and wished he had had the foresight to see this coming. Sollux looked a lot more comfortable, and Karkat hoped he didn't say something stupid in the midst of his inebriation.

"Why wouldn't you have a beer? It's a Saturday night."

_Whoops, never mind, I'm an idiot._ He didn't want to make it seem like he was trying to pressure Sollux into having a drink. To his surprise, his roommate just responded flatly, still looking at the screen, "I like to have all my brain cells."

"It's just a lousy drink, what does it matter?"

Sollux turned to look at him. "To some, it doesn't matter at all, but when all you've got going for you is your intellect, you find that you treasure it a little bit more. Others who are gifted with other positive traits along with their intellect tend to be well received by society, and are less likely to care about what's in here." He tapped the side of his head.

Maybe it was just the alcohol, but Karkat found himself a little baffled. "What exactly have you not got going for you that other people do?"

Sollux smiled somewhat sheepishly. "I dunno, a lot of things. A good self esteem... Good looks."

Now Karkat was _really _baffled, and he found the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"I think you're good looking."

_God damn it holy fucking shit I'm going to throw myself off a cliff jesus fuck_

A small smile crossed Sollux's face before he turned back to the movie. "Well, thanks, I appreciate it."

Karkat could feel that his face was flushed bright red, and he just tried to focus on the movie, which was hard because Nic Cage was such a goddamn shitty actor; he was never letting John send him any movies again. He mentally punched himself for being such an idiot towards Sollux. Finding that he could practically feel the awkwardness in the air, he mumbled something to Sollux about going to sleep and went over to his own bed. Just as he was lying down, however, he heard the oh-so-familiar Pesterchum noise coming from his computer, which Sollux was still using. Thinking it was John or something, he decided to just let Sollux close his Pesterchum for him. He was too tired and his headache was too bad for him to give a fuck at that point.

That is, until Sollux told him in a relatively alarmed tone that the messages were coming from caligulasAquarium.

Karkat ran back over to Sollux, who handed the laptop to him and watched over his shoulder.

caligulasAquarium [CA] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CA: hey kar howws it goin

CA: miss me

CA: its been a wwhile

CG: YES, EVERY MOMENT WE HAVEN'T BEEN IN CONTACT HAS BEEN SHEER AGONY. HOW GREAT IT IS TO FINALLY HEAR FROM YOU!

CA: savve the sarcasm kar thats no wway to greet an old friend

CA: anywways ill just cut to the chase here no need for pleasantries

CG: YEAH, GO AHEAD AND TELL ME YOUR DIABOLICAL PLAN. MAYBE YOU'LL GET LUCKY AND BORE ME TO DEATH.

CA: ivve decided that i might not kill you

CA: might be fun to toy wwith you a wwhile longer

CG: WAIT, WHAT.

CG: TOY WITH ME HOW, EXACTLY?

CA: get your mind outta the gutter its nothin sexual

CA: though youd probably be into that

CA: im givving you another choice here

CA: its possible that this tactic is gettin ovverused but

CA: it seems you havve let someone grow quite dear to you

CA: big mistake kar

CA: so im givvin you twwo a choice

CA: him or you

CA: though if you choose to be the good guy theres no promises that ill leavve him alone either

CA: or vvice vversa

CA: but maybe i wwill

CA: its fun to be a bit unpredictable sometimes

CA: either wway id advvise that wwhoevver livves sleeps wwith one eye open

CA: wwell talk again soon

CA: i awwait your decision

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]


	6. Chapter 6

The two sat in silence for the longest time. Minutes, hours, or years could have passed; Karkat didn't know. No coherent thoughts were running through his mind aside from one thing.

_Sollux can't get hurt._

He didn't know why Sollux was his first concern. Why his own life wasn't more important to him, or what he could do to stop Eridan. He simply knew that Sollux wasn't allowed to get harmed, even at the expense of his own life.

It was at that very moment that Karkat realized that he still had a part of him that he had thought long gone. The part of him that could care about other people, that could put them first. He felt close to Sollux. He cared about him.

And that scared him.

_I can't lose anyone else. I'm setting myself up for failure by keeping him close._

After some time, Sollux finally raised his eyes from the stained, ugly carpet to meet Karkat's gaze. He looked as if he were about to speak, but Karkat cut him off.

"Sollux, your safety's been jeopardized. Just... just try and get out of here as fast as possible, head to a relative's for a while. I'll deal with Eridan."

Sollux looked at him like he was a fucking idiot. "KK, nobody has to die here. Well, not anybody good, anyway. We can beat Eridan. Listen, it's not illegal to kill someone if it's out of self defense, so let's have him make the first move."

"Yeah, great fucking idea, Sollux! Let's allow him to beat us to it and fucking murder one of us so that his death can be an act of "self defense" by whoever lives." Karkat rolled his eyes before continuing. "I'm not going to allow you to get hurt. I'm not even going to take that chance and this is my problem anyway, so why don't you just fuck off and let me deal with it myself so that I don't have to feel responsible for allowing you to join me on this suicide mission?"

There was a long pause of crushing silence. Sollux turned his gaze back to the floor before responding in a weak voice, "The only way I'd be committing any sort of suicide is if you weren't around."

Sollux's words hit him like a fucking bus. Sollux cared enough about him that if he wasn't around, Sollux wouldn't want to go on.

What hit him the hardest, though, was the fact that he felt the exact same way. It was then, staring at the lean, broken looking figure sitting beside him, that Karkat realized just how much he fucking wanted Sollux around, how much he _cared._ How he couldn't go on without him.

"Sollux, that's not fair. This is my battle and if I want it to result in my death and your safety I'll do just that. If you were to commit suicide, what the hell would I have died for?"

Sollux laughed drily. "I don't know. For your fucked up idea of honor? You wouldn't have died for me, because the only thing I want for you to do is _not _fucking die on me. What we can do is fight this battle together. When the time comes, which it inevitably will, we take on Eridan together. Neither of us is going to die, okay?"

A long silence passed between the two of them before Karkat mumbled, tears in his eyes, "I just don't know if I even have a fucking reason to live. If it meant you would be safe, what have I got to lose?"

_The only fucking thing I have left is you, anyway. Without you, I don't have a reason to go on. I'm going to die either way. Let me do it knowing that you're safe. Please, fucking please._

A tear rolled down Karkat's face, followed by another. He was trying not to cry and look like a fucking idiot in front of Sollux. He didn't need his roommate's sympathy or concern. He had already put Sollux through enough.

It didn't go undetected by Sollux, though, who reached up and brushed the tears away from Karkat's face with his hand. Their eyes met as Sollux held Karkat's head in his hands, smiling sadly at him.

"KK, if I didn't care about you so fucking deeply, I wouldn't have done any of this. I wouldn't have helped and I'd have just let you do whatever the fuck you wanted. But I want to be here for you, I want to help you... And I've never felt this way about someone before. That's why I can't afford to lose you." He chuckled. "And I can safely say that out of all the people I've had the opportunity to befriend and have a wild adventure avoiding a crazy murderous psycho with, you're the best."

They sat like that in silence for a moment longer, staring into each other's eyes. They were both smiling now. Karkat was trying to process everything that Sollux had just said, though. Particularly that one sentence.

"_I've never felt this way about someone before."_

He was trying to figure out just what that meant, but Sollux made it completely clear as their lips met, the boy with the dual colored eyes leaning into Karkat.

Karkat was so shocked that he backed away with a great amount of speed on the bed and banged his head on the wall. Hard.

"FUCK!"

Sollux looked at him, clearly hurt. "Not exactly the most skillful way to go about a kiss, KK." It was a joking sentence, but Sollux's tone made it obvious that he wasn't in a joking mood. He looked plainly upset. "I, uh... Sorry. I just thought you, you know... Swung that way. Shit, I'm sorry."

Karkat's face was bright red as he rubbed his head and sat up. "Yeah, sorry about that, I- I don't. Sorry for being less than courteous about it though, I was just... Taken by surprise, I guess."

Sollux shrugged as if he didn't care, but he looked as though he was about to cry. "No big deal... I'm just gonna go for a walk or something. Give you some space and get some air and shit."

With that, Sollux turned around and left, leaving Karkat alone in the dark.

Karkat fell back onto the bed, furious with himself.

_What the fuck was that? He just fucking kissed you and you flipped the fuck out. _

_Well, isn't that kind of a normal reaction to a guy kissing you?_

Karkat shook his head, slamming his palm against his forehead.

_Not if you swing that way, stupid, which you know you do. Why the fuck did you tell him you didn't?_

It was then that Karkat realized he was in another dilemma, this time completely unrelated to Eridan. He had gotten close to someone, became ready to die for them. He had gotten closer than he had wanted. And when the object of his affections went to kiss him, his reaction was to freak out, because this wasn't what he had wanted to happen. He hadn't wanted to get close to Sollux. He hadn't wanted to get close to everybody ever again because he knew he would find himself in this position. He didn't want to lose Sollux, and he finally was able to figure out why.

He was in love with Sollux Captor.


	7. Chapter 7

Sollux had kissed him.

Sollux had fucking _kissed _him and then he had gone and fucked it all up by freaking out. He wasn't ready for this, despite the fact that he wanted it so badly. He wanted to be with Sollux. He wanted to just know that he could be close to someone and not risk losing them, he wanted to be safe and warm and happy and just lead a normal life with a normal relationship. He wanted both of them to be happy, and more importantly for Sollux to be safe, which wouldn't happen as long as the two of them were "in this together" and Eridan was still around.

_I can't do it. I love him and he obviously has some sort of interest in me and I can't even show that I reciprocate it. It's too goddamn dangerous._

He wanted to at least talk it out with Sollux, though, and tell him that he wasn't mad and that Sollux shouldn't feel guilty. However, he didn't know where his roommate had gone, and his cell phone lay abandoned on his cluttered desk. Karkat sighed and tried to pass the time by going over some notes from his various classes. He wasn't going to get anywhere arguing with himself over whether or not it was safe to pursue a relationship with Sollux, especially since he was feeling groggier by the second, and his will to not kiss the guy the moment he came back in the door was fading.

Poring over his poorly organized notes, he realized just how little he had bothered to come to class, and that his grades weren't even half bad. He didn't consider himself to be any sort of genius - that was more Sollux's area than his - but despite his poor attendance and even poor studying, he had been pulling off a good deal of 70's and 80's, which was more than what he had hoped for in his recent state. School was just too goddamn easy, and he realized that there was no escape from his dilemmas to be found in studying; his mind kept wandering to Sollux, to Eridan, to the past. He was tired, anyway, more tired than he had thought he was. How much had he been sleeping? Karkat shoved his notes back into the binder he had ripped them out of and threw it down with a _thud _onto the carpet. He got up and flung himself onto the nearest bed, not even sure who's it was in the dark and in his current groggy state. He closed his eyes and was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened by the door banging open loudly, causing him to sit up in bed in terror. A tall, lean, staggering figure came through the door, throwing a set of keys to the ground loudly. Karkat caught a glint of light off those dual colored glasses and he let out a sigh of relief as he realized it wasn't who he had feared.

Except something seemed wrong with Sollux. It was as if he could hardly stand. Sollux slammed the door shut and came over to the bed, flinging himself down on top of Karkat in the dark. Both yelled in unison.

"KK, w-what the fuck are you doing in my goddamn fucking bed? Get the fuck out."

_Oh. I guess I fell asleep in his bed. Shit._

Karkat didn't miss the scent of alcohol on Sollux's breath as he got up and went to sit on the edge of his own bed. Sollux flopped onto his back.

"Sollux, are you... Are you drunk?"

"Yup."

"I thought you didn't drink."

"Never had a reason to."

Ouch.

Karkat ran a hand through his thick hair. "Look, Sollux, I'm sorry for everything, I didn't mean to freak out like that. I'm not mad at you or anything, let's just... Let's just forget about it. I honestly won't ever bring it up again and I don't care, so let's just drop it, okay?"

Sollux scoffed. "Easy for you to fucking say, you weren't the one who practically poured his fucking heart out to someone who obviously didn't feel the same goddamn way."

Karkat wanted to just look Sollux in the eye and tell him. He wanted him to know that he _did _feel the same way and if the world ever took a moment to act in his favor he would take advantage of that so fucking fast and run off with Sollux to live a beautiful and wonderful life together until the end of their natural lifespans.

All Karkat said was, "Get some sleep. You'll be less hung over in the morning."

Soon enough he could hear Sollux's slow, peaceful breathing, but despite how tired he had been a while ago, it took him a long, long time to get to sleep.

Karkat woke to the sound of Sollux cursing.

"It's fucking light out and my head hurts like crazy! Fuck everything, I need to crawl in a hole and die so then at least I won't see the light of fucking day."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Sollux, quit overreacting. You're just a little hung over."

"A little?" Sollux ripped off his shades, exposing bloodshot, tired eyes, but then cursed when the extra light hit them and put his shades back on as hastily as possible. He buried his face into his blanket. "I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus," he mumbled.

Karkat had to wonder if Sollux had actually drank a whole lot, or if he just couldn't hold his alcohol. Given the events last night, it was more than likely the former than the latter. He bit his lip at the memory, feeling like a jerk for everything he'd ever done to Sollux. He was too socially inept to talk to him about it anyway, but more importantly he was too much of a danger.

"Sollux, just go back to sleep. I'll turn out all the lights and come back with some coffee for both of us and we'll just relax. Watch a movie or something if your head doesn't hurt as much. Just chill the fuck out."

Sollux didn't need any more encouragement than that, and he flopped back onto the bed, covering himself entirely with his blankets as Karkat flicked the lights off and exited the dorm.

Karkat thought again about just how much class him and Sollux had been cutting lately. They were able to make quite a few of them, but many others were missed, and Karkat was still surprised that his grades weren't really hurting because of it, and neither were Sollux's. That was the nice thing about college in comparison to high school; one could work at their own pace a little bit more and it wasn't a federal fucking offense if you didn't show up for class as long as you got the shit done and did well on the tests. College was all about your level of ability, not your obedience as a citizen and being able to get up at the crack of dawn to attend shitty classes that were too goddamn _easy. _If it hadn't been for his current dilemmas, Karkat might have actually had a moment to feel content with college life.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was the Pesterchum client he had installed a few months back.

_Why did I feel the need to get Pesterchum on my phone? Am I so masochistic that I feel the need to be bothered by douchebags even when I'm on the go?_

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: amne2iia ii2 a 2cary a2 fuck game.

TA: the computer 2creen ii2 hurtiing my eye2 though. and my head.

TA: come back wiith coffee.

CG: HERE'S A FUCKING SPLENDID IDEA! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GO THE FUCK BACK TO SLEEP SO THAT YOU DON'T BITCH AND MOAN TO ME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR HEAD IS KILLING YOU.

TA: iim waiitiing for the tylenol two kiick iin.

CG: IT'S NOT EVEN MY FUCKING FAULT YOU WENT AND GOT COMPLETELY WASTED ANYWAY. YOU SHOULD BE BOWING DOWN TO ME, THANKING ME FOR MY EXTREME GENEROSITY.

TA: no, iit2 not your fault at all. iim 2orry about what happened la2t niight.

TA: ii ju2t thought that maybe you felt the 2ame way.

Karkat ran a hand through his uncombed hair, exhaling heavily before typing a last reply before he could chicken out.

CG: JUST BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING AWKWARD ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T. SORRY FOR FUCKING IT UP I GUESS. I'LL GO GET YOU YOUR DAMN COFFEE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Karkat returned to the dorm, scalding his hands with two intensely hot coffees in paper thin cups. He found his way through the darkness and placed them down on the desk.

Sollux wasn't playing Amnesia anymore. He wasn't even on his bed.

A light was shining through the door in the bathroom, and Karkat knocked gently on the door.

"Go away."

_Welp, this wasn't at all what I was fucking expecting. I thought the idiot would be jumping for joy at the idea that I feel that way about him._

"Sollux, what the fuck is the issue? Is your hangover giving you some trouble?"

A muffled sob came from behind the door. "Not really."

Karkat was more than a little concerned at this point. "So... what's the problem?" he asked tentatively.

The door slammed open to reveal Sollux looking more awful than he had earlier. His cheeks were tear-stained, his clothing wrinkled, and his hair a complete mess. His glasses lay askew on his nose.

"I thought you didn't like me. I thought I had nothing left to live for so I did something really stupid. I'm so sorry."

Sollux pushed past Karkat and grabbed his keys and phone. He put a hand on the doorknob and mumbled, "I'm so fucking sorry" before leaving.

Karkat, having abandoned all ideas of what might be a violation of Sollux's privacy, practically flew to his roommate's computer. He browsed all of Sollux's favourite internet haunts; various forums, his blog, and found nothing of any relation to Sollux's apparent issue. Finally, he noticed that Sollux had closed Pesterchum, something he rarely did. Karkat found the icon and opened up the program. Nobody was online.

Karkat went to the "pesterlogs" section of the chat client and found all of Sollux's conversations. The latest one had been with him, but the one before...

Eridan.

Shaking, Karkat opened the chat log.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

TA: here2 the deal.

TA: you do whatever the fuck you want two me. iim 2eriiou2. ii dont care iif you kiill me or not.

TA: iive come to accept that through teamwork or whatever, kk and ii wont both make iit out of thii2 alive.

TA: 2o my only request ii2 that you take me and leave kk alone.

CA: wwhat makes you think that you havve any fuckin right to make requests

CA: i could easily take both of your livves right now

CA: though i wwouldnt because there wwould be no fun in that

CA: its admirable wwhat lengths youll go to for him though

CA: maybe killin off his little lovver wwill be just fine

CA: more punishment for him than killin you both id imagine

CA: fine

CA: you got yourself a deal

CA: your life is mine

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]


	8. Chapter 8

Karkat threw the laptop to the floor, where it landed with a dull _thud_. He ran to the bathroom, tripping over his own feet on the way, and practically threw himself over the toilet, throwing up from the oh-so-familiar horror that had overtaken him.

After several minutes, he was able to stand shakily and wash his face with cold water, his hands pale and clammy. He looked up and saw an unfamiliar face in the mirror - a man, no, a _boy,_ that was all he was, with pale skin and dark circles under his eyes. He had lost weight; his oversized turtleneck looked more like a tent now, and his hair had gone from being a tousled bedhead to a tangled mess. He realized that he had become the person he had been so long ago; the boy living in a world of terror and guilt. One thought managed to cross his mind as he stared at his reflection in the dim light.

_I killed Sollux._

Karkat recalled every hateful thing he had ever said to Sollux, every time he had looked at his roommate and best friend with any sort of disdain, every time he had sworn at him, insulted him... Sollux had always been there for him, had always looked out for him, and Karkat had repaid him by getting him in the middle of all of this. Karkat was the one at fault for ending Sollux's life.

It was then that Karkat broke.

His knees gave out and he fell to the floor, sobbing heavily, fingers digging into the cold tile. He felt like he was going to throw up again, but there was nothing left in him.

He picked himself up, still shaking as the sobs ran through his body, but he moved slowly towards his own computer, sitting down on his bed and booting it up, opening the Pesterchum client almost immediately.

Eridan was online.

Karkat took a deep breath and opened a new chat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO ME. SOLLUX DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME, AND YOU KNOW IT. SO JUST LEAVE HIM THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

CA: oh hello kar

CA: i dont knoww about that

CA: it seems that sol knowws what hes talkin about perfectly

CA: ill admit that its fun wwatchin you get choked up about your little boyfriend

CA: but honestly kar this is sad evven for you

CG: SHOVE IT, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU COMING AFTER EITHER OF US? BY YOUR SICK AND TWISTED STANDARDS, AREN'T WE "EVEN"? I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT... WHAT ABOUT KANAYA? AN EYE FOR AN EYE? ISN'T THAT YOUR GAME HERE?

CA: i find it funny that you think that wwench is anywwhere near bein wworth what fef wwas

CA: you killed her kar

CA: you ruined her life and you ruined mine

CA: i made no such agreement to take the life of just one of your friends

CA: you ruin my life i ruin yours

CA: so yes

CA: an eye for an eye

CA: if you havve a problem wwith it wwe can settle it

CA: you can take me on but i assure you that you wwont wwin

CA: i might get to sol first wwhile youre busy chickenin out

CA: so i dont knoww

CA: are you bravve enough to savve your little boyfriend

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat sat there for a long time, re-reading the conversation.

He had another chance to make things right. He could take on Eridan. He could fucking kill him if he wanted to.

If he _could._

He could admit that he was scared. Terrified, even. After finding Sollux, he felt as if he had so much to live for... but without Sollux, he would have nothing. If he died, though... Sollux would be able to go on. He could be happy, maybe even whole again. Karkat had nothing going for him.

It was either him or Sollux. It had come down to that. If Sollux died, Eridan would still be plaguing Karkat's existence. Karkat would have to live with the guilt. He wouldn't have Sollux anymore.

Karkat doubted that he could kill Eridan. Eridan was a strong and aggressive criminal-type person who was skilled at eluding the cops and brutalizing his aggressors. Karkat was a college student who didn't know a thing about fighting and was small for his age.

But if it was to save Sollux, Karkat could die.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: I'LL FUCKING DO IT.

CG: I'LL TAKE YOU ON IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE, YOU SICK FUCK.

CA: excellent

CA: theres an alley behind the ice rink

CA: you knoww the one

CA: meet me there friday night

CA: thatll givve you plenty of time to say your goodbyes

CA: see you then

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat closed the laptop.

He felt oddly at peace. His time had come. He could accept that he wasn't going to kill Eridan, but Sollux could be safe. Sollux could go on without Karkat; he could laugh and smile and lead a normal life.

And Karkat could be put out of his misery.

All the flashbacks, all the pain, the memories, the guilt; it would all be gone. Karkat could sleep and never wake up; maybe in death he could escape the things that had haunted him since he was just fourteen years of age.

His only regret was leaving Sollux behind, but it was all a small price to pay for Sollux's life.

Karkat grabbed his phone and dialed Sollux's number. To his relief, Sollux picked up almost immediately.

"KK, what the fuck do you want? Sorry for storming out on you, but I'm not in the mood to talk." From the sound of his voice, it was clear that Sollux had been crying.

"Sollux, it's okay. I know. I'm sorry, but I know what happened. And it's okay. It's been resolved. You and I are both going to be okay."

It killed Karkat to have to lie to Sollux like that, but it was only something of a half-lie.

"...What do you mean?"

"I mean you're safe. From him. It's going to be okay. Him and I talked it out, and it's going to be fine."

There was a pause before Sollux asked in a shaky voice, "KK... are you telling me that you put your life on the fucking line for me? Just so that I could be fucking _safe?_"

Karkat took a deep breath before responding in as calm a voice as he could manage, "Of course not, don't be fucking stupid. Just... I'm not in the mood to talk about Eridan right now. He unburied a lot of stuff from the past in our conversation, but it's okay. We'll be okay. There's nothing to worry about anymore, okay?"

Sollux sounded skeptical, but he responded, "Okay. Fine. That's great to hear, actually. I'm sorry for scaring you and flipping out like that. It was so fucking stupid of me. I'm gonna come back to the dorm now, if that's okay. I just needed some time to myself."

Karkat stared blankly at the wall across the room. "Yeah. Okay. See you soon."

Sollux returned to the dorm room relatively quickly and gave Karkat a shy and awkward look before sitting down on his own bed. He met Karkat's gaze and mumbled, "Sorry."

Karkat tried to act as if he wasn't about to die in four days and smiled at his roommate and, admittedly, his love interest, and said, "It's okay. Honestly, it's all going to be okay now. We both just needed some alone time, and we're better for it."

Sollux smiled back and wiped away a tear from his eye. "I'm just so fucking sorry for doing that. I endangered us both."

By that time, Karkat's brain had given up on trying to make sense of the situation, of trying to distance himself from Sollux. He couldn't do it. He needed to spend his last days making sure that Sollux knew how he felt. He stood up and walked over to Sollux's bed, embracing him and pulling him down beside him. He pulled off Sollux's glasses and threw them onto the adjacent bed and looked him in his beautiful, dual-colored eyes before whispering, "Just shut the fuck up and kiss me."

Their lips met for the second time, and this time Karkat had no intention of pulling away. These were his last days, his last moments with Sollux Captor, his one and only love and the person he would do literally anything for - even give up his own life. He was done feeling guilty. He was done hurting people.

He was Karkat Vantas, and he had four days to live.


	9. Chapter 9

_I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry for not updating for quite a while - there was a family crisis and I just wasn't able to write; it's been sorted out and I'm feeling a lot better, so further/more regular updates can be expected in the near future. I think this fic is nearing its end; I had intended for it to be somewhat short, so it's good that it's turning out to be. I intend for it to be ended in a few more chapters. Thanks everyone for reading/reviewing, it is much appreciated!_

Karkat woke up in Sollux's arms. The two of them had been sleeping in a tangle of sheets and limbs, and had Karkat not been aware of his fate, he might have even felt at peace lying there with Sollux, whose dark hair was stunning even when he had the worst bedhead imaginable. There was a small smile on Sollux's sleeping face.

Careful not to disturb him, Karkat got out of bed. He raided a small cupboard filled with snacks, and grabbed two bowls of microwaveable Kraft Dinner and popped it in the microwave.

To his annoyance, the microwave beeped loudly, waking Sollux from his peaceful sleep, who sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, not bothering to put his glasses on. He groggily looked up at Karkat.

"Little early for mac n cheese, isn't it?" he mumbled.

Karkat grabbed two forks and stuck one into each bowl of Kraft Dinner. He thrust a bowl into Sollux's hands. "Breakfast is served."

Sollux smirked. "I see you slaved over a hot stove for hours to make it."

"Just shove it and eat your damn KD."

Sollux sat up a little more, and in the same tentatively taunting voice, he replied, "Making breakfast... How _boyfriend-ly _of you."

Karkat almost choked on his food. "What?" he managed to sputter out.

Sollux raised an eyebrow. "Well, that is what we are, right? I mean, you don't strike me as the type to go about having 'friends with benefits' relationships."

_Boyfriends. _It wasn't like Karkat hadn't thought about it. He had never felt the same way about anyone else. He was in love with Sollux. He could admit that. He could die happy knowing that.

_But I'm not long for this world. I can't get any closer to Sollux. As it is, I'm going to be hurting him. Do I really need to strengthen my bond with him mere days before violently breaking it?_

"I'm not sure if I can have a relationship with someone on such an emotional level," Karkat replied. It was only a half-lie, really. He wasn't really sure if he could.

Sollux jabbed his fork into his Kraft Dinner a few times. "Oh. I see. Sorry for bringing it up, I don't want to make things awkward. You don't have to put a label on our relationship."

"No, ugh, fuck. It's not that I don't like you or that I think it's awkward, I just... I'm kind of emotionally in a bad place right now after all the stress I've been experiencing and I don't think I'd be all that good of a contributor in a serious relationship like that."

Karkat knew that he sounded like he was just spouting bullshit at this point, and he knew that Sollux could see through it, but his roommate made no reply other than "Okay, don't sweat it."

They ate their Kraft Dinner in silence.

Karkat didn't go to any classes. He didn't see the point. He did have to wonder if it was worrying Sollux or making him wise to Karkat's inevitable demise, but it wasn't as if Karkat was well known for his stellar attendance, and given what had been going on lately, he figured that Sollux would be able to sympathize. Sollux left to go to his own classes shortly after they finished "breakfast", leaving Karkat alone.

He hadn't heard much from Terezi lately. They had kind of fallen apart. He wanted to at least hear her voice; for all he knew, it would be the last time. It was weird, looking at things, talking to people, eating foods, and knowing that it would be the last time such senses were evoked; it made him sad to see that there was wonder in the life that he had regarded with such a great amount of cynicism, and now he wasn't going to be able to experience any of it ever again.

He didn't think Terezi had a class. He grabbed his cell phone. Despite not having called her in a long time, he had her on speed dial. He had been right; she picked up almost immediately.

"Hello?"

Suddenly it was like Karkat was hearing her voice for the first time. She sounded innocent, happy. He wondered if she would still be the same bubbly, upbeat person after he was gone. He hoped so, for her sake.

"I don't have caller ID, who is this?" came the same sweet voice from the other line.

Karkat couldn't reply. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He hung up.

He went to Sollux's bed. He buried his face in his roommate's pillow. It smelled sweet and familiar. It smelled like Sollux. It was nice.

_I wish I could just die here. No pain, no terror, no nothing. Emotionless, yet at peace. Thinking of him. I don't want there to be an afterlife. I just want my last conscious thought to be of him. I don't want to forget him._

_I don't want to lose him. I love him._

Karkat felt like sleeping forever, sleeping the days away until his death, dreaming of Sollux and what his life could have been. But there was one last thing that he could do before he set such a plan into action. He had to check Sollux's computer one last time and make sure that he and Eridan could not converse.

He turned on Sollux's computer and saw that there was a conversation already open, in which Sollux was apparently typing something. But how was that working, if Sollux wasn't at the computer?

Oh.

Sollux was a dumbass, and had his phone connected to Pesterchum, which meant that Pesterchum was connected in both places and his active conversation could also be viewed from his computer.

Karkat's heart jumped into his throat when he saw who the conversation was with.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA]

TA: 2o, about our liittle arrangement.

TA: accordiing to kk, who ii2 a terriible liiar, thii2 2iituatiion ha2 been 2orted out through the u2e of mere word2.

TA: knowiing both of you, ii hiighly doubt that two be the ca2e.

TA: 2o what really happened la2t niight?

CA: all you need to knoww is that your life isnt on the line

CA: if thats not good enough for you then you can fuck up a potentially happy ending and come hunt me down

CA: but no good wwill come out of it

CA: just be happy ivve had a change of heart and go on wwith your life

TA: and what about kk, doe2 he get two go on wiith hii2?

CA: wwhy dont you wwait and see

caligulasAquarium [CA] blocked twinArmageddons [TA]

Karkat didn't even have it in him to feel angry or sad. He just felt emotionally drained. He had lost. They were both going to die. They were both going to lose everything.

Karkat fell asleep on Sollux's bed, hoping that when he woke up, he'd have died and gone to a happier place.

It didn't happen. He woke up about an hour later to the sound of his phone. He scrambled across the room to pick up. It was Sollux.

"What do you want, Sollux, I'm tired and feeling pissed at the world right now."

"KK, meet me in the parking lot in five minutes."

Sollux hung up.

Karkat shoved his phone into his pocket and tugged on an old gray turtleneck sweater, one of his favorites. Combing his hair with his hands, he sprinted out the door and down to the parking lot.

As if on cue, the shittiest junk heap of a car Karkat had ever seen came roaring up to greet him. It was a rusted bucket of bolts that looked like it had been on its last legs for about fifteen years. The passenger door was thrown open, and Sollux sat inside, revving the engine and grinning.

He peered up over his glasses at Karkat, who was utterly dumbfounded by his roommate's upbeat attitude after having read the recent conversation with their tormentor.

"Here's the deal, KK, I'm in love with you and you're going to get in the car right now and be a good boyfriend by helping me put an end to this once and for all."

_He's really not going to take no for an answer, is he? He's serious about this boyfriend thing, even now._

Karkat couldn't help but smile a little back. It was all so ridiculous looking. But it also terrified him to the inner core of his being, because he knew that this wasn't all fun and games.

"Uh, Sollux, what exactly are we going to do?"

Sollux grinned even wider. "We're going to fuck shit up."


	10. Chapter 10

Sollux was racing down the road, grinning like an idiot the whole time. The old junk heap belched blue smoke behind it, the lack of a muffler drawing glares from pedestrians and other drivers. No wonder Sollux was never seen driving.

"So what exactly constitutes 'fucking shit up'?"

Sollux slowed down a little and the smile left his face, leaving him with a rather somber expression. "We're putting an end to this shit with Eridan. He's not going to take you away from me. There is no way in hell that he's getting what he wants in this situation. I know what his plans for you are, and since you keep fucking up my plans to deal with this myself, you can come along for the ride."

Karkat scowled. "Yeah, Sollux, I've been nothing but a burden on you," he spat sarcastically, "Trying time and time again to keep you from getting yourself killed. Last time I checked, this was _my _fucking problem, not yours."

Sollux pulled over and slammed on the brakes. His worn and frayed seatbelt tore, but he didn't seem to notice. He turned to Karkat, staring him in the eye with a look of something like sadness and anger.

"I fucking love you, KK, I really do, and for that reason I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth for you! You think I haven't lost people myself? You think I'm not afraid to lose you? Put yourself in my shoes! It's not hard." He signed heavily and leaned back, cranking up the heat.

_I've been so selfish. So fucking selfish. He's hurting too. He's as much a slave to his own past as I am, for all I know._

Karkat slammed his fist on the dashboard. _I'm fucking sorry, Sollux._

He sat up a little taller and grabbed his roomma- no, his _boyfriend's _hand, and whispered, "I understand. Let's go."

Sollux smiled sadly and the car roared back to life.

They had been driving for about a half hour before Sollux pulled into a very familiar looking place - the alley behind the ice rink.

"I told him to meet me here today. He accepted, strangely enough. It's safe to assume that he'll bring other people. In fact, I'm willing to bet that he's well aware we're both here, and he's glad we're fucking up his little game for him. He gets off on this shit; he's a lowlife who'll kill for the hell of it if he gets the chance. Keep your guard up."

Sollux reached into the back of the car and pulled out a case. He opened it and pulled out two handguns. Handing one to Karkat, his voice barely above a whisper, he said, "Concealed firearms are legal here. Use it only in self defense and not a jury in the land can convict you." He slipped his gun into his jacket and began to get out before leaning back in the car to whisper to the awestruck Karkat, "Oh, yeah, by the way. You shoot, you better be shooting to kill."

His heart pounding, Karkat shakily followed Sollux out of the car and stood next to him. They grabbed each other's hands and waited for the inevitable.

In no time, a car pulled into the opposite end of the alley in the direction they were facing. Karkat had to smirk at the ridiculous frivolity of the vehicle, which was covered in gold bling. He whispered to Sollux, "Who the fuck even drives a purple Bentley?" He received a grin, and Sollux squeezed his hand.

A tall man with a streak of purple in his hair stepped out of the car. Karkat was actually mildly surprised that Eridan didn't have a top hat and a cane. He probably would have laughed if his heart hadn't jumped into his throat when Eridan smiled, flashing his white teeth, malice in his eyes.

It was then that it dawned on Karkat that he was going to die there.

"How are you two fruitcakes faring today? It's snowing. Blood looks so nice when it stains the snow, don't you think?" Eridan smacked a piece of gum between his teeth before Sollux finally spoke up.

"Shut it, ED, nobody has to bleed at all if we can finally figure this out without your constant cryptic shit. Nothing has to happen to you if we can be sure that you'll abandon whatever vendetta you have against KK here."

Eridan grinned and turned to Karkat. "ED? KK? How fabulous is your boyfriend here, Kar?"

Without any further warning, Eridan whipped out a gun and shot it at Sollux. He barely missed, and the bullet went through the windshield of Sollux's car.

Both Sollux and Karkat pulled out their guns and aimed at Eridan.

"We'll shoot if we have to," Sollux growled, "So you can drop your weapon and we can end this like men, or we can do this the hard way."

Eridan made no move to drop his weapon, ignoring Sollux. "It sure was nice of you to reschedule this little meeting, Sol. I was getting a _bad _case of itchy trigger finger."

Sollux's own finger moved to the trigger, but not fast enough. Eridan fired and sent a bullet straight into Karkat's shoulder.

"Karkat, holy fuck, are you okay?"

Karkat moaned in agony and fell to his knees. his eyes were falling shut. He was still holding Sollux's hand.

By the time Sollux had come to reality, Eridan's car was roaring out of the alley.

"KK... Karkat, we've gotta get in the car. We're going to the hospital, c'mon... Oh, man... KK, I'm so sorry..."

"I-I'll be okay," Karkat mumbled as he stood up. Sollux ripped his jacket's sleeve off and tied it around Karkat's shoulder.

"No, KK, you're losing blood, we've gotta go to the hospital," Sollux said, his voice shaking.

Karkat pulled himself up and smiled weakly at Sollux. He opened the car door before turning to his boyfriend.

"What happened to fucking shit up?" Karkat gently sat down in the car and mouthed to Sollux, "Let's go."

Not a moment later, the old car was driving out of the alley in the direction Eridan had gone.

Karkat groaned, "Follow the scent of cheap cologne and loneliness, then shoot his sorry ass."

Sollux smiled. Karkat was going to be okay. They were going to be okay.

There was a flash of gold down the highway they had turned onto. Then, a bit of purple. Sollux sped up.

"I see him, KK, hold in there... I'm putting an end to this for you."

Sollux floored it and drove up behind Eridan's car. He pulled his gun out and aimed out the window. He could hit Eridan through the back windshield of his stupid car, he could...

But Eridan was the one who shot first.

Neither Karkat nor Sollux saw the gun. Eridan had fired out his own window - twice. One at their tires, and the other through the windshield - into Sollux.

Sollux let out a small choking sound. Karkat screamed in horror. He stared into Sollux's heterochromatic eyes and at his beautiful lips. That was when he heard it. He barely heard it, but Sollux had said it.

_I love you._

The last thing Karkat heard was the sound of screaming metal.


End file.
